Dreaming Again
by Jotaro Aoki
Summary: "I was never a believer in the power of dreams..." was what Kurama thought until he began "dreaming again" of his one and only koorime. /songfic; YYH; first person point of view./ STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
1. Default Chapter

_(Disclaimer: "Dreaming Again" is a song by the late Jim Croce. Yuyu Hakusho and everything related to it is the property of Yoshihiro Togashi. All rights reserved.)_

Note:

//// indicates lines of the song

// indicates lines spoken by another person aside from the main character

_italics_ indicates lines not spoken

[ ] indicates flashbacks

dReAmInG aGaIn 

CHAPTER 1 _//Don't you know I had a dream last night_

_That you were here with me_

_Lying by my side so soft and warm…//_

                It's already half past ten and here I am twisting and turning in my bed, as if struck by diarrhea (boy, what an exaggeration). Another day of school tomorrow, another set of assignments to answer, another batch of classmates to have lunch with, another series of novels to read about, another virus in my PC, another…okay, okay, that's enough complaining, Kurama. You always complain when in fact you still study like a maniac and even insist on shouldering other people's responsibilities and play the good samaritan.

_Oh, no, I don't play the good samaritan, I contradicted myself._

_On the contrary, I play the role of  a saint._

                I smiled faintly at my own sarcasm. Pulling the blanket over my head, I curled up like a ball and sighed.

                Blinking once, I sighed again. Of course I don't mind helping my classmates with their studies, especially if it's about biology, even if most of the time I don't get credit for it. As for their responsibilities at school,  I don't mind helping anyone. I like to help others, but I don't expect anything in return. I really don't.

                /_Stop fooling yourself, kitsune. You know for a fact that  you don't really care about any other creature, more so offer help. Especially to pathetic ningens./_

                There he goes again with his remarks about humans.

                _But why did I say that I play the role of the saint? Saints are supposed to be holy, but I can't say I'm one of the holies._

                I've been living with humans for quite some time now, and I've more than adapted their ways. I feel more human everyday. I have a family I could call my own, a mother, a stepfather, a brother, a home. I guess being human is not so bad after all.

                /_Oh, yes it is, kitsune. Being human is worse than being a youkai. It's even worse than your worst nightmare./_

                Why does his voice keep on interfering with my thoughts??

                /_…It's even worse than your worst nightmare./_

                Hai, hai, that must be why. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Well, not exactly nightmares, but perhaps I could use the word dream. 

_Yume.  _

I was never a believer of the power of dreams, and yet here I am twisting and turning, not because I do have diarrhea, but because I am perturbed by the lingering thoughts of a single dream. Out of all those dreams I dreamt all these nights, that little dream , I could say, is the sole reason why I am so anxious tonight…

                It was a wonderful dream, a very wonderful one in fact, that I almost felt I was in it…

                [As I was about to close my eyes for the night, there was a soft tap that came from the windowsill. I flapped the blanket and snapped my head toward the direction of the disturbance, and I was very surprised to see the familiar shadow of a raven-haired koorime in his matching outfit and unchangeable obnoxious, leering stare. Not contented with the mere sight of his shadow, I moved at the edge of the bed and barefooted, walked with silent, careful steps and neared him. But when I was already at arm's length from him, he was no longer there. I almost gasped, however I covered my mouth and no sound came out. And then I heard a voice say briskly…

_                /Oi, fox, mind if I sleep here tonight?/_

_                I spun around and he was already putting his katana down near the headboard and was already removing his boots and his shirt._

_                /N-no, Hiei-kun, not at all/ I reply casually. Too casually, I guess._

_                /I've had quite a day. May I sleep on your bed? Don't worry, I won't take up much space./_

                I don't know why he still asks permission to sleep on my bed when I've already told him more than a dozen times before that the other side of the bed is his share. He didn't wait for me to answer, though, so I suppose he is aware that he can sleep any time, any day, on my bed. Even if it means sharing it with me.

                He settled himself quickly, and as he said, did not take up even half  of his side of the bed and was practically at the edge of the mattress. He had his smooth, bare back on me, which I perfectly understand that he wants to get some sleep as soon as possible.  

                I positioned myself to sleep on the other half of the bed, lifting the blanket as I lay my head on a pillow. But I can't stand seeing him sleeping uncomfortably while I'm not so I had to wake him again and tell him what's on my mind.

                /Hiei-kun/ I softly whispered.

                /Nani?/ came the irritated, half-awake reply.

                /Why don't you move little? You might fall, you know, and hit your head on the floor or something/ I joked, thinking I could convince the stubborn koorime into doing my suggestion.

                /Leave me alone, kitsune, I'm trying to get some sleep/ was the curt, frank reply that I received. With that kind of reply, I know he meant it, but I wanted to try one last time before I go to sleep myself.

                /But I insist, Hiei-kun. There's a lot more space for both of us---/

                /Kitsune-baka./

                Oh well. At least I tried.

                With his back still on me, I decided to finally go to sleep with my back to him also. Sometimes I wonder why I insist  on offering Hiei something which I'm not so sure whether he appreciated or not. Like, something as simple as sharing my bed with him. I closed my weary eyes.

                I could hear the clock tick into the deafening silence, and it makes my heart beat faster every second, every minute. I still couldn't sleep. I finally got a hold of myself, opened my eyes again, and rolled to my other side.

                Hiei's back was still on me. That was when I noticed that he had pushed aside the pillow that was under his head, which explained why there was an extra pillow near my head. His raven locks lay sprawled on the linen covering of the mattress and his arms lay crossed on his chest even as he slept. 

I thought that he was already asleep.    

I couldn't resist myself anymore, so I finally brought myself to embrace him. He didn't fight back, which was quite unlikely of him. But I continued to embrace him anyway.

                /You couldn't sleep, ne?/ a deep voice suddenly asked, piercing the ear-deafening silence.

                /Oh, gomen, ne, Hiei-kun, I'm so sorry to have awakened you/ I stammered as I was about to withdraw my arms and harbor regret over what I've just done. 

Unexpectedly, all the more that he pulled my arms over his shoulders and he inched closer to me.

                /It's alright. I can't sleep either/ he reassuringly, almost inaudibly, whispered, though I'm not so sure if I heard him right. Or if I understood him right.  

                He gently stroked my hand which was clasping onto his other hand, and, interlacing his fingers into my own, kissed the dorsum of my hand and sighed…

Hiei came and he spent the night here in my room, on my bed, beside me.]

_                I dreamt of Hiei. Just last night._

-To be continued on chapter 2


	2. chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 //And we talked a while and shared a smile 

_And then we shared the dawn…//_

                Hai…I dreamt that Hiei was beside me last night. Right HERE. Just within arm's reach…no, even less than arm's reach.  Still under the immaculately white blanket and curled up, I shifted to my left side and extended my arm to reach out for him. 

But he wasn't there right now. 

My hand landed onto the wrinkled linen sheet and as I grasped the cloth, I tucked my chin. 

Hiei had been a disagreeable comrade, which I guess was one of the primary reasons why he and Kuwabara didn't get along well with each other at the start. I suppose it went the same for Yusuke and for the rest of our tomodachis, which was of course not so surprising since the koorime led a tragic past, a past that is now all but a memory.

But perhaps for Hiei, it doesn't really end there, because it is not an easy task to forget about the people who wanted you dead for the mere reason that you are different…that you are not one of their kind. And I've been thinking that that reason was how we got to know each other so quickly, and now we are more than friends…if I may say it.

Is it really that way? I suddenly asked myself, pausing to ponder on the thought.

Or am I the only one who thinks that way?

Does Hiei think of me as…more than a friend as well?

                No, he doesn't, came the instantaneous reply from a voice deep, deep within me…that voice I've been trying to suppress for so long and yet no matter how hard I try, it always takes advantage of the times whenever I'm thinking of ways in order to reorganize my feelings.

I grabbed the nearest pillow that my hand could reach and buried my head under it as I forced myself to drown out the voice and perish the morbid thought…

And then I remembered something.

A hopeful smile formed in my lips.

I haven't finished reminiscing my dream. How could I forget? There was more to it…a lot more wonderful in fact. 

I paused as I tried to refresh my memory…Now where was it that I stopped? Oh I remember… 

I felt my smile widen a bit when I finally got a hold of myself and got on with replaying the dream in my mind…

                [/Is something wrong, Hiei-kun?/ I asked into his ear, and this time I waited eagerly for a reply. I could sense that something is not right, that my dearest is having internal problems again which he doesn't want to let anyone know. Not even me. It hurts so much when he keeps his own troubles to himself. It's just not fair.

_/Nothing's wrong/ he answered back quite apathetically._

_/Oh?/ Then why are your hands so cold? You did something wrong, didn't you?/ I inquired, as usual. as lightly as I could, so as to extract what I wanted to extract from him. I seldom inquire directly. I let him lay his own cards, which most of the time is not effective anyway. _

_I released one of my hands from his grip and pulled the blanket over the two of us. It was a rather chilly night, and I don't want to exhaust the flame of this fire demon, not until he tells me what the heck is going on. Every minute felt like eternity as I waited ever so patiently for him to speak out._

_/I-I can't tell/ he stammered as he pulled my hand back into, this time, a firm grip. He was now gripping my hand a lot more firmly and it really felt uncomfortable. Why can't he tell me? Why can't he understand that I'll always listen to each and every thing he will say? Why can't he spit it out and finish it once and for all? I can't wait forever._

_But if I have to, I will._

_I will wait even for eternity to pass if it's the only way I could break into his proud barriers and finally earn his trust. _

_For a while we held each other that way. I've never, ever imagined I could hold him this close. More so hold his hand this firmly. _

_…_

_…_

_But the longer I held him close to me, the more pain I felt in my chest. He still has not uttered a single word about his present condition. His silence scares me more than the thought of letting his hand go. There's no other appropriate time but now. I would have to force him to talk._

_/So how was Makai? Did you do anything interesting before you came here?/_

_I only noticed the lameness of my query when his sharp reply came into my ears and nearly pierced me._

_/Don't take me for a fool, fox. You never ask me those kind of questions before./  _

_/But I am asking you now, Hiei-kun. I've been away from Makai for quite a long time now…I was just wondering if---/_

_/Kitsune…I'm not in the mood for games right now./_

_That was different reply. _

_/Gomenasai/ I replied back quietly._

_/Look here…can't you say anything else aside from 'gomenasai Hiei-kun' or 'gomen ne' or…/ he snapped, but he stopped abruptly as if thinking of what to add to his statement._

_/Gomen, I can't help it---/_

_/Kurama---!!/_

_He tugged at my hand to silence me._

_This was the first time he blurted my name from the time he arrived until now. I bit my lip._

_/Daijobu/ I answered._

_I can't explain why I always end up infuriating him whenever I try to do what I think is the right thing. I am so afraid to hurt him in any way that the best thing I could think of was to apologize for each and every mistake I commit, even the slightest ones. _

_And then I heard him sigh again._

_That's it. That second sigh meant something else. _

_/Hiei-kun, I don't care what you say to me, but you've got to tell me what's wrong. There is something wrong, I could sense it. Come on, you can tell it to me./_

_                /I told you nothing is wrong, kitsune./_

_                /Hiei-kun…/_

_                This was one of Hiei's attitudes that I really find hard to cope with. His stubbornness._

_                /Well, maybe there is something wrong/ he finally, and I guess reluctantly, admitted._

_                Finally._

_                /Hai? What is it then?/  _

_                /Hn./_

_                And I thought he was already going to say something._

_                …_

_                /Kurama-san…   _

_                …_

_                I…/ _

_                The gloomy chimes of the small grandfather clock that hung at the far end of the wall commenced its hourly duty. _

_                It was already two in the morning._

_                A chill ran down my spine. Is Hiei finally going to declare his verdict?  _

_                …_

_…_

_                He spun around slowly, his face only inches from mine. As my emerald irises came in contact with his reddish brown ones, he loosened his grip from my hand and ran the fingers of his free hand through my scarlet hair. He then raised his head and put his mouth into my ear.  _

_                …_

_                …_

_                …_

_                /I've missed you so much/he announced very gently and while he continued to smoothen my hair, the corners of his mouth formed one of the sweetest smiles he has ever cast toward me…]  _

_                My dream ended there._

Oh yes…

                Hiei-kun said he missed me.

                He said he missed me so much.

                He said he missed me…

                I suddenly heard a sniff.

                I swear I heard someone sniff.

                When I lifted my head a bit to reposition myself, my vision began to blur and my eyes started to feel quite sore.

                That someone who sniffed was just nearby.

                That someone…

                …

…

…

…

                was me.

                I choked a little as one fresh tear after another rolled down my pale cheeks. I used the back of my hand to wipe my tear-stained face, but the tears kept on coming.

 I had been crying the whole time I was recalling this part of my dream.  

-To be continued on chapter 3


	3. DAchapter

Chapter 3

_//But when I woke up _

_I'm a dream, it was gone…//_

                I then covered my eyes with the balls of my hands in the desperate attempt to cease the teardrops completely…but still they kept on coming.

                I realized by now why I had been so restless tonight…

                It was because…

                …

                …

                it was all a dream.

                Everything was an illusion…a vision…a dream.

                …

                …

                And then I heard the shattering sound of my own heart, which was broken into a thousand fragments…AGAIN.

                As each fragment separated and scattered in my innermost thoughts, I began to recall the instances Hiei had broken my heart, healed it, and broke it again…and even count the number of times he did it. 

                After a few minutes, I gave up. I already lost count.

                …

                But even if he did break my heart in so many occasions it didn't matter.

                I know he never meant to hurt me.

                _Don't be a fool. Of course he didn't mean it for the mere reason that you amount nothing to him as much as you think he amounts to you, the deep, unconscientious voice that dictated nothing but negation cut in as sharply as if it was Hiei himself who spoke._

                _/Stop fooling yourself, kitsune…/_

                …

                Please don't do this to me, Hiei…I spoke the words to myself in an effort to console my already injured heart. It didn't do much good, though…and I think nothing will. 

                Except for one thing, that is. 

Hiei's embrace.

                In your dreams, Kurama, in your dreams.

                Well wasn't that what just happened? I dreamt of Hiei and we held each other so close…but that was before I discovered that everything was not real. Before my heart was torn apart.

                Perhaps that's the reason why I never believed in dreams. They're always temporary and they leave an eerie, lingering feeling when you wake up. They can leave you hanging in the middle of the night speculating…contemplating…what they really are all about. Why you dreamt of them.  Why it was a particular person or thing you dreamt of.

                Why you dream of something that could never come true.

                Why…of all things…I dreamt of…him. Of Hiei.

                Not that I don't like to dream of Hiei…of course I do!! He is special to me. As a matter of fact, he is the most special person to me. I mean, the most special…koorime. He is so special that he means more than a friend to me. And I am not ashamed to admit that I am actually in love with him. 

                However, his feelings toward me are still not clear up to this point. He always wears a camouflage of apathy and indifference hence it is difficult to assess his true emotions. I am always having a hard time adjusting to his mood swings, not to mention his quick temper, his sarcastic remarks, his sardonic attitude, and most of all, his defensive nature. I'm not even sure if he has the capability to show any emotion at all.

                I suddenly felt two hot, stinging tears, one from each of my painful, sore eyes, slide down my already overly tear-stained cheeks and drop onto the damp pillow underneath my head. Such thoughts about Hiei's coldness toward me could really cause me to almost break down completely.

                Yet…despite all these qualities that the koorime of my life possesses, I still love him. And I will continue loving him forever.

                Will you still love him…even if he doesn't love you back? entered the deep voice again, breaking into my thoughts.

                I already have a ready answer.

                Yes…

                I will still love Hiei, even if he calls me stupid…even if he thinks I'm weak…even if he goes on being arrogant and insensitive…

                even if he doesn't love me back.

                …

                …

                …

                RRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

                The shrill noise of the demented alarm clock that lay quietly on my bedside table hours ago signaled its wake up call. 

                I forgot that I set it to six in the morning.

                I stretched my arm to reach for the buzzing alarm clock and turned it off. But even as I turned the thing off I could still hear the ringing sound in my ears. Also, I could feel a pulsating pain in my head, most probably due to a lack of sleep. Not…exactly…lack of sleep. The truth is, I wasn't able to sleep last night.

                I hastily got up, fixed my bed, got my towel, went straight to the bathroom, brushed my teeth…the usual routinary procedure every morning. There was something different, though, as I looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes were quite swollen and red from crying. I just hope I don't have to explain to my mother what had happened to my eyes. 

                "Ohayo," I greeted as I sat at the dining table to have breakfast. Shi-chan was still cooking some bacon so she didn't notice right away how puffy my eyes looked. 

I thought I was going to have a peaceful morning until Hatanaka came down and blurted his immediate finding. 

                "Oi, onii-san, what are those red blotches in your eyes?? Take a look, okasan!! Onii-san has sore eyes!!" the boy exclaimed, exaggerating a bit to be able to catch attention easily.

                "Ne? Is that true, Minamino? Let me see," Shiori asked, and, putting down the skillet, then proceeded to inspect my condition.

                But before my mother approached the dining table I arose and grabbed my schoolbag that sat on the couch, walking directly toward the door.

                "No need to worry, okasan, it's nothing serious, I'm going now,  sayonara," I called before stepping out of the house and out of the gate, and began my daily walk to school. 

                ,,,

                "Ohayo, Shuichi-kun," a schoolmate greeted as I stepped into the school campus. I waved in reply as another two acquaintances acknowledged me.

                …

"There he is."

"Where?"

"He just passed in front of you, didn't you see him? He's just so gorgeous, don't you think?"

"Y'know, if he didn't wear a guy's fuku I would really think he's female."

"But who cares? He's every girl's dream guy…no matter what you say."

"I would do anything for him to notice me."

"That's what ALL girls who like him say."

I turned my head to a group of three girls just behind me and smiled at them.

"EEEEEEEEEE!!!! Did you see that? Did you see that? He just smiled at me!!!"

"How dare you say he smiled at you? He smiled at the three of us, silly!!"

"But one thing's for sure…he's simply the best!!!"

I then smiled to myself as I proceeded to my locker. My dashing smile still never fails. It has worked since time immemorial on…let me see…

                every girl…

every ningen…

                …

                But not youkai. 

Nor koorime.

                My lips turned down as I moved on to my first class, which happened to be chemistry.

                …

                "Okay. This is the final question for your recitation. Answer on the board. Would you like to try, Shuichi?" 

                I stood up and solved the equation amidst the whispers of the entire class. After I went back to my seat, my algebra teacher placed a large check mark beside my correct answer. There was really nothing new about my being called in front to answer an equation and getting it correctly.

                Fortunately, algebra was my last class for today, and as I trekked my way home, I sighed in relief. No one had asked much about why my eyes were almost the same color as my hair.  At least I didn't have to invent some silly story such as 'I watched a sad movie and I cried so much that's why my eyes are red' or 'I peeled and sliced a sack of onions last night and until now I still have a bad hangover of the onion juice that irritated my eyes'. I simply said I had an allergy of some sort and that it will simply go away in one day.

                Unless…

                I paused in my tracks and found myself asking this strange question…

                What if…

                …

                …

                I dream of Hiei tonight…

                for the second time in a row?

                Is it possible?

                This question was quickly forgotten when I arrived home and had dinner with my family.

                …

                …

                …

                At last I've finished the two-page report for chemistry. After shutting down my PC I slid the precious printout into my bag, shut off the lights as well, and switched on my bedside lamp.

                I am already sleepy, and it's only a little past nine. I guess I do need to get some sleep as soon as I can to recuperate from my loss of sleep last night. 

                I lay myself comfortably on my bed, my head resting on a pillow, covered half my body with my blanket, and closed my lids…I didn't expect to be asleep in less than an hour and to be dreaming again of that 'special' koorime…tonight…

_-to be continued in Chapter 4_


End file.
